Is your kid being bullied in Hoboken?

How do Hoboken parents learn to cope with bullied kids?

Herb Tannenbaum, the owner of Harbor Hills Day Camp in Mendham, NJ wanted to help spread some positive and helpful information to parents in and around the Hoboken area.

He submitted an article to Hoboken411 for your consideration, and hopes it is of some value.

Tips for Parents on How to Deal with a Child Who Is Being Bullied

As elected officials complicate the topic of anti-bullying in New Jersey by battling over legislation and who has to pay for it, we should remind ourselves that sometimes there are solutions to problems that can be found much more easily than others.

As director of Harbor Hills Day Camp, one of New Jersey’s leading summer day camps for children and teens, I have seen my fair share of bullying incidents. While we have a talented and competent staff of counselors who are trained to handle the issue as it happens, correcting the behavior ultimately comes down to how a child’s parents react to the situation.

For the past decade, I have seen several hundred children come walking through our doors each summer. Ultimately, this means that I have observed hundreds, if not thousands, of parents and how they respond to certain situations. In the case of bullying, I have seen parents be strategic and intentional in their intervention, and I have seen parents overreact and exacerbate the situation.

If you notice that your child is exhibiting signs of being bullied, or has come right out and told you of specific instances, here are some do’s and don’ts to remember when dealing with the situation:

Bullying Do’s:

  • Normalize the situation – let your child know that it happens to the best of us.
  • Listen carefully to what your child tells you, mirroring back what you hear and not reacting or judging what your child is sharing.
  • Comfort, empathize and soothe your child.
  • Engage in empowering your child by brainstorming possible solutions to the problem.
  • If your child is having trouble making and maintaining friendships, build your child’s self-esteem by helping him/her become more competent in a skill (sports, music art, etc.).
  • Role-play and practice various scenarios for dealing with your child’s bully (practice things such as an ‘emotional shrug’ or walking away from situations).
  • Be vigilant of the situation and if you feel it has gotten out of hand, notify teachers, principals and other relevant adults.
  • Teach your child that there is no shame in asking for help.

Bullying Don’ts:

  • Do not reprimand your child for admitting that he or she has been bullied.
  • Do not place blame or judgment on your child for being bullied.
  • Do not encourage bad behavior or retribution.
  • You may want to notify the aggressor’s parents about the situation, but do not analyze their child’s behavior or use derogatory names to describe the child.

As parents, we cannot create a perfect world for our children, but we can help them make sense of what goes on. Help your child digest the situation and understand what is happening. Most importantly, remember that there are no problems, only solutions!

Herb Tannenbaum
Director/Owner
Harbor Hills Day Camp
Mendham, NJ

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6 Comments on "Is your kid being bullied in Hoboken?"

mooshu
Member
mooshu

But then you also have plain a-hole kids with great parents.

There are no real boundaries here. That’s why bullying has grown to the extent it has.

QJ201
Member
QJ201

Kids who bully have one of two types of parents: Complete a-holes, or complete wimps.

mooshu
Member
mooshu

*Forgiveness and kindness and tolerance are such wonderful things.* Yeah. Right.

escaped68
Member

As long it followed with a kick in the balls[quote comment=”213985″]*Forgiveness and kindness and tolerance are such wonderful things.* Yeah. Right.[/quote]

spiffy
Member
spiffy

Solution to the problem is bully back even harder. Martial arts or other self-defense classes are good not only for the obvious, but for self confidence as well.

mooshu
Member
mooshu

Thank you. And I don’t care what anyone says, bullying has only gotten worse and more cruel since I attended elementary school. It used to be that one could kick the crap out of a bully, and everybody “made up” I guess, going their own way. Then guns came along followed by bullying extending into the cyberworld, followed by people who don’t give enough of a crap…

Solutions should also include, like the time I was in school, NOT coddling bullies. Punish them accordingly, kick them out of school if you need to. Parents, administration, and laws have gotten way out of hand in that they allow for violence to occur in schools, and all people do is turn their heads the other way out of fear of being sued among other things…
[quote comment=”213982″]Solution to the problem is bully back even harder. Martial arts or other self-defense classes are good not only for the obvious, but for self confidence as well.[/quote]

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