Hoboken Police Blotter Blizzard Edition
Hoboken Police Blotter Blizzard Edition
Hoboken Crimes, Incidents, Fire Calls & Vehicular mishaps
- 1:47am (2/9/2013): 5th & Washington – “Female hallucinating, no shoes.” Damn, that is some powerful acid!
- 1:27am (2/9/2013): 13th & Hudson – Woman refused to pay fare. Taxi driver holds phone hostage. Sounds fair to me!
- 1:13am (2/9/2013): “Fight” outside Madison Bar & Grill. Female reportedly “down on the ground.” Who fights when there is beautiful snow all around us? I’ll tell you. Bitchez.
- 12:08am (2/9/2013): Hoboken EMS en route to Stevens Institute. “Intoxicated student.” Engineering drives almost anyone to drink!
- 12:00am (2/9/2013): “Man down on the ground” near 615 Willow Ave.. Oh boy, they got a look at someone named Nancy. Condolences, man, condolences.
- 11:58pm: Car crash on the 14th St. Viaduct. County has been dispatched. A new Olympic event! Idiotic downhill driving!
- 11:30pm: Ending with a bang. Storm is giving us some meat finally!
- 9:50pm: Hudson County 911 reported a possible drunk driver in a blue BMW leaving Hoboken up the 14th St. Viaduct. Good news, they’re gone! Not our problem anymore. Wonder who over-served them, though…
- 9:21pm: Group of seven idiots pelting people and cars with snowballs from the roof at 5th & Monroe. Hey – the Yankees need some pitching!
- 9:20pm: HPD suffering because some squad cars have “bald tires.” Perhaps we can ask one of our fleet of lawyers to help push the cars since we’re paying them so much?
- 9:15pm: “Dry slot” fills, snow resumes in most of NJ. Maybe we can squeeze a couple more inches out of this storm?
- 9:10pm: “Disorderly” at Wicked Wolf Tavern downtown. You’d be irate too, if you got violent food poisoning!
- 9:00pm: A 12 foot by 6 foot section of the sidewalk near 2nd & Bloomfield collapsed. Bet you it’s because they used too much salt!
- 8:55pm: NJ Transit using flame throwers to de-ice light rail tracks. DO NOT call the fire department!
- 8:30pm: Drunk refuses to leave Washington Liquors at (211 Washington). Plus he’s smoking in the store! Update: PD arrested the dude. Crazies amongst us – snow or no snow.
- 8:20pm: 3 drunk dudes stumbling west from 10th & Bloomfield. Reportedly smashing bottles. One was wearing a “Seton Hall” sweatshirt. Keep it classy, guys!
- 6:45pm: Big “dry slot” keeping snow totals down for us. Forecasters suggest this will “fill in” later. We’ll see about that.
- 6:15pm: HFD dispatched to two places: 300 Marshall Drive, and 406 Jefferson St. The Marshall Dr. job was a malicious fault caused by a pull station. No fire on Jefferson St., either. Having “extensive experience with false alarms” is a must on resumes for the HFD.
- 5:35pm: Police responding to the HUMC parking garage near 4th & Clinton. “Kids on top level chucking snowballs.” It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
- 4:55pm: Fire reported at 1206 Washington Street. Hoboken Fire Department personnel said that “a clothes dryer was smoking” in the basement and was extinguished upon their arrival. Nothing to see here, move along now.
- 4:53pm: “Elderly female” falls down near 4th & Marshall Drive. PD and EMS en route. Doesn’t she have grand kids that can help during the storm? Jeez.
- 3:50pm: Accident with injuries – 2nd & Monroe. EMS en route. Hoboken is a body shop owners dream come true!
- 3:25pm: Hoboken Parking Utility van involved in motor vehicle accident near 5th & Grand. Hooray! One less thief on the roads after this!
- 2:50pm: Residents complain of homeless male sleeping in hallway at 12th & Hudson. Guess they want him to sleep in snow.
- 2:45pm: Another car crash 4th & Madison. Cab crashed into parked car. HPD says intersections are like “sheets of glass.” Why is the city so behind? There was a robo-call yesterday warning residents to shovel within 6 hours after the storm, so it’s not like the city “didn’t know.”
- 2:30pm: Car crash 7th & Willow – no injuries. DMV should make driving tests more difficult to pass.
- 1:58pm: Hoboken police complain that streets are getting treacherous, and that no city salt-spreaders are to be found. Wonder if that’s because the budget got eaten up by Dawn’s legal contracts?
- 1:45pm: Hoboken just crossed the rain / snow line. All snow now and picking up gradually.
- 1:35pm: “Unconscious female” at Dunkin’ Donuts (214 Washington St.) Probably diabetic overload from the sugar-laden donuts.
- 1:25pm: HFD to 3rd & Monroe. No fire. Did you know that 99% of all fire calls are false alarms? Solve that problem, and you’re a hero!
- 1:13pm: Winds picking up in town. “Wires down” at 6th & River. And the storm hasn’t even intensified yet.
- 12:45pm: Hoboken Schools dismissing at 1pm. Rush to kids to safety! It’s sleeting!
- 12:40pm: Car crash at 14th & Willow. No injuries. Blizzard or not, this happens multiple times daily in town.
- 12:00pm: A small boat washed up to shore north of the Hudson Tea Building. No one was aboard, and HPD “secured” the best they could. Knowing Hoboken, they’ll issue a parking ticket for it, too.