Funny Hoboken Products

Was surfing around the other day searching for wacky fun product name, and noticed some terrible or funny products come up!

Such as:
hoboken cankermelts - Funny Hoboken Products

Elasto-Gel Cranial Cap:
hoboken elasto gel - Funny Hoboken Products

Peterson’s Ointment (anything with the word “ointment” is just funny):
hoboken petersons ointment - Funny Hoboken Products

So if Hoboken had terribly funny products, what would they be? What could we use?

Thought about it for a few minutes and came up with a few to start us off:

  • “Teflon coated poop-resistant galoshes”
  • “Chris Campos Halloween – ‘beat the DWI’ mask”
  • “Budget Busting Council Creme”
  • “Danny Aiello Pasta Maker”
  • “City Council ‘Laff Riot’ Buzzer Badge”
  • “The Campos Breathalyzer Rig Kit”
  • “Housing Inspector ‘Get Approved Faster’ catch phrase handbook”
  • “Will it Burn? Home Arson Preparation Kit”
  • “Criss Angel Summer Shower Levitation Kit- Escape any random Hoboken flood!”
  • “Trick Hoboken Election double-mirror ballot fraud mesmerizer”
  • “Any meal is delicious in Hoboken power pills (take two before any dinner)”
  • “PATH train floral arrangement nose plugs”

What other goofy gags could Hoboken start selling??

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zxcvandynnjEvelynBiffy B For MayorEasy-E Recent comment authors
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Baseball Hat Sidewaysifier (Caucasian model) – As the wearer’s BAC rises above 0.2, hat automatically turns sideways on head, causing the wearer to begin to scream, “What the fuck? Gimmee some of that!” at women while walking in the middle of the street.


[quote comment=”34772″]”PATH Vomit Poncho”

“Square Mile Body Armor” For those perilous treks home when the bars let out.

“Douche Bag Begone” Meat-head harassment filters (earplugs)

“Yuppie-Dude Action Kit” Blue Shirt and Khaki’s *inflated sense of self-importance sold separately

“Yuppie-Chick Actin Kit” Cell phone with added drama enhancements(*), Fake-ass designer bag and shoes, 12 blue tiffany’s bags – suitable to carry lunch. unlimited date credit checks for one year. *Cell phone powered by a BAC of at least .02 and will only dial the numbers of guys who just aren’t that interested.
*inflated sense of self-importance sold separately[/quote]

Your “yuppie chick actin kit” sounds more like the “North Jersey ghetto-fabulous upgrade package.” The fake nails are sold separately, but *unfortunately* the sh.tty attitude, 9th grade education, and gum-smacking/popping come free. Bonus! 😉


How about this one?:

“Former Hoboken Councilman Ventriloquist Dummies” – Be the life of the party as you amaze guests with your witty comments about life in the Mile Square. *

Comes in various sizes, shapes and demeanors. Fun props include bottles of booze, shiny badges, fake “back pocket” money and more! Some are even life size!**

* Ventriloquist skills not included.
** Limited availability, so buy today!


Biffy B For Mayor
Biffy B For Mayor

actually it was a yellow shirt — yellow is so hot right now.


Oh lighten up Mayor Sensitive. These are just things I noticed living here… Embellished a tad. OK, ok.

I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I feel bad now…

A wise man once said:

“If you can’t laugh at yourself. Then..Uhhh… let other people do it.” Never mind that the wise man is me.

Let me guess… You’re wearing the Blue Shirt and Khaki’s again today? Come on, that’s been like some kind of standard issue Hoboken-Guy uniform for years.

And aside from almost getting puked on 2 weekends in a row on the PATH, and watching some mayhem on the streets the weekend before: 2 dumbasses fighting, 2-3 girls falling down drunk crying on their cell phones in a filthy doorway, a guy who seemed to have a problem that I even looked in his general direction, a couple jerk offs saying something rude to my girlfriend when I stopped in CVS… All by the time I got to Washington and Newark.

I would say they are appropriate.