Invented in Hoboken: “Swabbing”

Swabbing: a safe, fun alternative to “planking!”

Many of you have heard of this sensation called “Planking” (or the lying-down game) which has been making frequent appearances on the news. This trend, where people lay face-down in odd locations (often in group) and take photos of it. What a goof! That is, until someone falls and dies while planking.

I was wondering what’s so great about planking anyway? It’s kind of filthy!

So that got me thinking while I was cleaning my ears the other day. You rarely see photos of people doing this in public! I was going to call it Q-tipping – but looking what people are associating that phrase with, it wasn’t a good idea.

My alternative choice was “Swabbing.” I personally think it’d be real funny to see people cleaning their ears out in random places. Like at official press conferences, the red carpet, winning the marathon, etc.

If this trend takes off – you can add it to the list of “Hoboken Firsts.”

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Well, the term Douchebagging is derived from the word “douche bag” which is a piece of equipment for douching. So, the mere fact of this is that the human body is now merely a transporter of idiotcracy. Coined originall in the 60’s today’s Hoboken society has taken it to a completely new level of which has never been seen before, such acts as follow can be termed “Douchebagging:

1. Thinking you are the most important person in town and that you have “Connections”.
2. Listening to your music real loud as you drive through town in your Honda Civic.
3. Wearing your pants around your ankles.
4. Getting drunk and thinking you are a big guy in a skinny mans body.
5. Destroying people’s property just becasue you will never have it.
6. Disrespecting everyone.
7. Guys that wear woman’s sunglasses & their hat sideways.
8. People that think Snooki is “Cool”.
9. Going to the W Hotel to be with the “in” crowd.
10. Thinking you can break the law and not be punished.
11. Mouthing off to Police.
12. Waiting in a velvet rope bar line in Hoboken.
13. Loud obnoxious people who are nobody’s
14. Waking up the neighborhoods at 3Am by screaming at the top of your lungs.
15. Waiting in the line for the Cake Boss.
16. Motorcycle officers whom think they are Eric Estrada from CHiPs.

The symptoms are numerous but there is no immediate cause for alarm as the disease spreads extremely fast and there is no cure so it looks like you will be “Douchebagging” for your entire life.


There’s a fine line between general douchebaggery and acute assholitis.

Douchebaggery typically consists of over-using the term ‘bro’, unbuttoning your shirt way too far, etc. In short it’s generally harmless, but decidedly annoying behavior. Assholitis is a much more serious affliction and, sadly, one that is far more prevalent in our mile square city.

The general symptoms of Assholitis manifest in behaviors that more or less declare that the world is your oyster – nothing you do could possibly ever be wrong and those who disagree with you are lesser beings whose opinions aren’t worth the dog crap that cakes our sidewalks. Fantastic examples:

+ Motorcyclists who insist on blasting their engines as they putt down Washington.
+ Lamborghini driving heiny-hoppers who insist on parking diagonally to ‘protect their ride’
+ People – moms, friends, dog walkers, etc. – who adamantly refuse to share the sidewalk.
+ BNRs, Yuppies, Democrats, Republicans

Bottom line: Douchebaggery is a relatively harmless affliction. Yeah, it’s annoying, but at the end of the day the person is a Douchebag and it’s their problem, not yours; people who suffer from Assholitis are far more dangerous as they will go out of their way to make themselves your problem.


Douchebagging would come so much more easily though………..