Top 10 NEW Zimmer Fees!
Why not? More NEW Fees coming from Mayor Zimmer!
With Mayor Dawn Zimmer deciding her $25 fee for recreation program sign-ups is worth going to the mattresses for, I thought it was time to tell you about some of the other new Zimmer taxes, fees and fines being discussed at City Hall.
Through our intricate network of sources, Hoboken411 has this exclusive list of the Top 10 revenue generation plans under consideration by Zimmer and her allies.
Top 10 new fees from Hoboken Mayor Dawn Zimmer:
#10: Install Muni-Meters for people who want to sit on city benches on the avenue and in the parks. If you’re still seated when time is up you get catapulted off the bench and into the street (or for benches on Pier A and Pier C Park, the River!)
#9: Entrance to toddler parks in Hoboken will be coin operated. Zimmer insists only Susan B. Anthony dollars will be accepted for entry. Councilman Ravi Bhalla sponsors the ordinance he calls “No pay? No play!”
#8: Tolls will be imposed on motorists at every city entrance and exit by Traffic Director Ian Sacs, who turns all Presidential streets into a dedicated bike lanes. The new toll booths will be manned by 4th ward residents hand-picked by Public Safety Director Angel Alicea. They still won’t vote for Mike Lenz.
#7: Zimmer Executive Order places new $1000 per-block, per-night fee on all festivals and block parties. Councilman Peter Cunningham will try to exempt his 5th Ward Block Party until he hears his pals at bond counsel Gluck Walrath have agreed to cover it as a “Thank you” for his many “courtesies.”
#6: Hertz on Demand Corner Car pods literally placed on every corner. Councilman Dave Mello insists Hoboken drivers be forced to face fines for every day they refuse to give up their Audis and BMWs to drive a painfully small Smart car rented by the hour.
See the Top 5 new fees after the jump!
#5: Feast processions will henceforth be charged $250 a block. $500 if they involve a Catholic priest Mayor Zimmer has publicly berated.
#4: Fines for not shoveling the walkway in front of your stoop rise to $1000. Time allotted after a storm to shovel before the fine is imposed drops to 10 minutes.
#3: Zimmer “Confidential Aide” Dan Bryan is sent out to bar and restaurant owners demanding thousands of dollars in fees in exchange for a license to open on St. Patrick’s Parade day. (Oh wait, that already sort of happened, didn’t it?)
#2: Movies under the Stars now charged by the actual number of stars visible in the sky. This to off-set the new $100k Zimmer-appointed previously unemployed bird-watcher needed to count the stars each week.
#1: and the #1 new fee Dawn Zimmer is proposing to raise money for her public relations team: A 100% income tax on 4th ward campaign workers!
Have a suggestion for a new fee, tax, or fine you think would be right up the alley of Mayor Zimmer?
You know where to put it… right there in the comments section!