Hipster Beards

Hipster Beards are for the Birds

Been wanting to opine on this latest “trend” regarding Hipster Beards for a while. Seeing so many Millennials donning such a facial hairstyle makes me shake my head because I’m astonished on how many “men” are so easily influenced by others. (To put in another way, they are not cut from “independent” cloth, but rather “collective” cloth).

But a recent article in the Independent, “Science explains why hipsters grow beards” – I had to say something.

say no to hipster beards - Hipster Beards

Bullshit article about hipster beards misses the mark entirely

In a nutshell the article claims it’s something about male dominance – and couldn’t be further from the truth. Let’s take a look at some reasons why it’s such bullshit.

  • For one, the latest generation of “men” these days is so far from masculine (with skinny jeans and feminine demeanor), that a gnarly beard will absolutely NOT compensate for your girly behavior.
  • Full-time trend followers. In fact pretty much 100% of their lives were wholly constructed because of trends they were subconsciously fed via their smartphone. Environmentally conscious. CrossFit instead of a regular gym. Donate to charities often (but don’t know why). Say the phrase “hate speech” at least once a week. You get the point. Someone else owns them.
  • Back in the day – beards were reserved for the community elders. They actually earned the right to slack off after all those years gaining knowledge. It also gave visual cues to the others who was “the one to ask” about life. A hipster beard today looks like when a CHILD puts a fake costume beard on. Yeah, that stupid!
  • For the remaining few that actually have their own minds – it’s quite possible they grow those raggedy beards is because shaving is fucking expensive now! $40 for an 8-pack of blades? I remember when they were $10. And with so many out of work, that may very well be a semi-valid reason to save a few bucks.

Commenters on that site fought with each other, hated beards or justified their reasons for having them, but only one commenter nailed it perfectly. “A beard on any white guy under 40 looks damn silly. They don’t have enough wisdom or life experience accumulated to rock a beard.”

The commenter went on to later say that it’s a “good thing those tight jeans means they won’t be able to reproduce.” Classic stuff.

It’s true – hipster Millennials with beards just plain look stupid. All the tattoos and crazy hairstyles won’t save the day. Just shave ’em off and reclaim your dignity!

hipster beard tools - Hipster Beards

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