Chris Rock on Politicians…
Since politics are in the spotlight today, here’s some more funny stuff (on purpose.)
Chris Rock recently threw a New Year’s show at Madison Square Garden.
Some of the quotes are quite good!
On Britney Spears: “Britney Spears, boy. Even OJ kept his kids, and he even killed their mother! Britney went and messed up her dance moves at the MTV awards and they took her kids away. Go rehearse and get your kids back.”
On Elections: “Why would they have Election Day on a Tuesday? Would you hold a party on a Tuesday? No, cause you want people to come. They obviously don’t want you showing up to vote – it’s easier to vote on ‘Dancing With the Stars’..”
On Bush: “He’s made it hard for a white man to run for president. People are saying, ’After Bush, I’m not sure we can take another chance on a white guy.’
He just doesn’t give a f*ck about you. In the history of not giving a f*ck no one has ever given less of a f*ck.”
On Bush Voter’s Remorse: “Bush is like Hammer, nobody admits to buying the album now.”
On Hillary: “I think America is ready for a woman president, but does it have to be that woman? Hillary keeps going on and on about her experience as first lady making her qualified to be president. Being married to someone doesn’t make you experienced enough to do their job. I’ve been married to my wife for ten years and if she was up here right now y’all wouldn’t laugh once. You get on a plane tomorrow, you want the pilot’s wife flying you?”
On Obama: “Sometimes I feel like Barack forgets he’s the black candidate in the race. That motherf*cker’s calm, he’s always talking in measured tones. He’s running like he can win this sh*t fair and square.”
On Barry Bonds: “Our government’s not trying to get bin Laden, they’re trying to get Barry Bonds. I’ve never seen so many mad white people in my life. He took pills? So what? The whole country is on pills! If you tell me I’m gonna make more money if I take a pill, I’d be freebasing.”
On Giuliani: “He’s kind of like a pit bull. Great if you have burglars but if you don’t, he’ll probably eat your kids. People say he was great on 9/11, but what about 9/10, 5/21, 12/13, hell, pick a date, any date, the guy wasn’t sh*t.”