Getting what you want in a relationship!

[Continuing the Your life back on track article series from Jessica Kasevich of JK Therapy…]

What is the Key to getting what you want in a relationship?

the key to getting what you want in a relationship

By Jessica Kasevich

Getting what you want in a relationship holding handsHe reaches for her tense petite thirty-year-old perfectly manicured hand hoping to reassure her with his touch that his love is selfless and unconditional.

She fights the urge to trust, to allow herself to become vulnerable to him, keeping the wall of solitude strongly rooted to avoid the “oh so familiar” feelings of disappointment that dating offers.

Is it easier for her to be alone, or should she learn what his qualities and values are: lifestyle, ideals on money and family in order to see if they align with hers before becoming emotionally involved? Why do we become emotionally invested in a relationship before we know if our needs will be met ?

Has she learned from the potpourri of men she dated in her twenties what kind of men are worthy of her time, love and vulnerability in her thirties as well as what she wants a potential relationship to be like: The George Clooney’s of the past: eternal bachelor, the men her parents thought would be great providers but she was “just not that into,” the Jerry Seinfeld’s who made her friends laugh when they went out to the bars but embarrassed her beyond belief and finally, the good guy, the Andy Stitzers (Steve Carell, “The 40 Year Old Virgin”) who were extremely thoughtful and caring but whom she never had chemistry with.

What did she, what did we learn from the people we date in our past: What we want and do not want in a relationship! If we know this why do we date people that are not meeting our needs? Isn’t it healthy to know ourselves and what we want in a relationship and what we need for ourselves at whatever age we learn this ? Why aren’t we going after what we know we want and deserve?

Does knowing what you want and do not want in a relationship make you selfish or smart?

Isn’t it uncomfortable to feel “obligated” to hold someone’s hand that you really don’t want to hold, when you can be searching for the person who’s hand you will never want to let go of?

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