[Introducing Your life back on track - an article series from Jessica Kasevich of JK Therapy...]

What’s underneath your jersey?

By Jessica Kasevich

Football session in Hoboken fills the streets with men and women showing their team spirit’s by wearing their jerseys.

Fans of the Giants, Jets and non-local teams find their way to their favorite Hoboken bars to support their teams.

Men for the most part see this as an opportunity to bond with their male friends. They drink beer, cheer their team on and sometimes even cry over the games events. Women too venture out for various reasons. Some women cheer their team on as loyal fans.

Some look at this as an opportunity to pick up a man, changing their status from single to coupled.

Women may go to the bars with their boyfriends to claim their status as girlfriends warding off predators. Many couples are fans spending quality time together, emotionally reconnecting after a hectic week. Other women are not fans and accommodate their significant others request to accompany them to the game. There are many different reasons for women to be at the bars for the game.

What does their presence really mean?

What are women’s real reasons for watching football?

Many times women who are true football fans have grown up watching football. They continue this pastime into adulthood. They are not concerned with the dating scene. They may meet their future husband at the bar but are not actively looking for partners. They are there to fulfill their passion for the game.

What do you women fans think of other women who look at the bar scene as a way to meet men while you are trying to enjoy the game?

Some single woman look at football season as a way to meet men at bars. These women usually have well made up faces, carry a designer purse, dresses in jeans, high heels and wear their team of choice foot ball jersey under false pretenses. They really don’t like football. They use the jersey as a commonality to strike up a conversation. (If they replaced the jersey with a shirt it would be a typical Saturday night outfit in Hoboken).

They are well aware of the difficulty of dating in Hoboken, as the ratio of women to men is about four to one. If they go to a bar during a football game the concentration of men is greater, a good strategic move for finding a mate.

Are these single women giving up their identity to find a man, becoming fans for the season? Does it come down to the fear of being alone?

Is it really their fear of taking the time to sit with themselves and learn about who they really are outside of a relationship, “the good the bad and the ugly.” This can also be said for men who are in serial relationships. If people never realize who they are, and what they need in a relationship to make them happy, they will continue to mold themselves into what their partner wants them to be, hence becoming a “Jersey” Girl. One will continue to jump from relationship to relationship, learning what they do not like through negative experiences instead of positive self-reflection.

Claiming your man?

Some women go to the bars to claim their man. “I don’t want another woman talking to my boyfriend.”

These women believe their presence will ward off other women. Maybe the girlfriend’s presence will deter interaction for that day, but what about the other days? If there if fear in the relationship that either partner will seek companionship elsewhere it is imperative to start to rebuild trust together, or to move on and build a trusting relationship with another. Without trust the relationship is filled with anxiety: “Where did he/ she go?” “Who is calling her/him at this hour?” We all deserve to have healthy relationships.

Some women who are not fans go because their boyfriends have asked. They do not mind sacrificing a Sunday afternoon to make their partner happy, because they are emotionally rewarded from the selfless gesture. Stay at home moms can relate to these feelings of happiness they gain from sacrificing for the better of their families. These examples of the give and take in a relationship are healthy. For example, a man may need to miss next week’s game to attend an important event for his significant other. Finding the balance between staying involved in your own activities and spending time together as a couple, even if it involves engaging in activities that may not be to your liking, is imperative to maintain a healthy relationship.

During this football season it is important to ask ourselves why we as women are in the bars: Are we looking for a partner, are we truly fans, are we supporting our significant others or staking our claim? Are we meeting our own needs as single women? Are we waiting for someone to meet them? Are our needs being met in our current relationship?

Ask yourself, underneath that jersey, who are you really and what do you want in a relationship?

Hoboken NJ

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