Junk Email: NJ Barbie
I’m sure a few of you probably got this “New Jersey” Barbie doll spoof in your inbox. Thought some might get a chuckle out of it since Hoboken was mentioned.
Hoboken Barbie
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.
Another site mentioned a different iteration of the list. I didn’t quite agree since there is nowhere to park.
They said:
3. Hoboken-Jersey City Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, which cruises until 2:00 am.
Not sure where they got this stuff. They’re way off in my opinion. What do you think the Hoboken Barbie should be like?
Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the New Jersey market:
” Holmdel Barbie”
This princess Barbie is sold only at The Mall of Millennia. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
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” Lincroft Barbie”
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
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” Asbury Park Barbie”
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.
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” Rumson Barbie”
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.
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” 609er(South NJ) Barbie”
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
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” Tuckerton Barbie”
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Deland Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
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” Cranford Barbie”
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two UCF Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
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” Jamesburg Trail Barbie”
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
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” Sussex County Barbie”
She’s perfect in every way. We don’t know where Ken is because he’s always o ut a-’huntin’.
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” State House(Politicians) Barbie/Ken”
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts .
January 25th, 2007 |
Ha. Thanks for a laugh at the end of the day.
priceless…
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January 25th, 2007 |
Sussex Barbie is the scariest thing I’ve seen in my life.
Maybe Hoboken Barbie, as cited above:
In response to MidnightRacer who said:
…should come with a pink #126 bus and a pull cord and a cell phone – one pull of the cord gets you 1 hour of non stop talk action. Am I a bad person?
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January 25th, 2007 |
Whoa.
For the record, Sussex County seems to have been over-run with velour track suit-wearing soccer moms who moved out there from the boroughs. I believe they’ve successfully driven the rednecks back over the border into Pennsylvania.
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January 25th, 2007 |
Retraction: It’s not Sussex Barbie, but instead ” State House (Politicians) Barbie” that frightens me.
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January 25th, 2007 |
“Warehouse conversion”. Yeah. We should be so lucky.
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January 25th, 2007 |
The Hoboken-Jersey City Barbie which “comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, which cruises until 2:00 am” doesn’t actually LIVE in Hoboken/JC.
Nope, she lives with her parents in Parsippany because she “can’t afford Hoboken on (her) secretary’s salary.” Also, she is often seen hanging out with the Belmar Barbie group.
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January 26th, 2007 |
i like the asbury park barbie the best.
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January 26th, 2007 |
and I’m not really understanding the leopard pants for hoboken barbie??? who wears leopard pants except for prostitutes and hoes?
oh wait, maybe it makes sense…
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January 26th, 2007 |
My secretary is wearing black pants with gray strips (think zebra) and they’re LEATHER. BTW, her butt is the size of a mac truck, it’s truly awful.
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January 26th, 2007 |
My company has policy against skin tight clothes. thank the gods.
Inappropriate Attire at my office:
Jeans, Shorts, Leggings, Spandex, Sweatshirts and sweatpants, T-Shirts and tank tops, Tight or revealing clothing, Sneakers or construction boots, Beach or hiking sandals, and Baseball caps.
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January 26th, 2007 |
Hoboken Barbie would have to come in two varieties: Hoboken BNR Barbie (with optional Marineview Towers playset) and Uptown Hoboken Barbie (also known as Yuppie Barbie, with optional Tea Building playset).
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January 26th, 2007 |
Katie_Scarlett…
It’s “Administrative Assistant”. And it’s “behind” or “bottom”. And it’s “she is a bit overweight, but a nice person”.
pc police
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January 26th, 2007 |
In response to HansBrix who said:
Every other pull of the cord will produce the following phrases:
“Oh…..mygod!”
“OH! MY! GOD!”
“Ohm’god!”
“So I was like….”
“So he goes…”
“So then I go….”
“that’s AWE-sim”
“So I was like….whatEV’R!”
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January 29th, 2007 |
Hoboken Barbie must have the Hummer sized baby stoller, with a built in cup holder sized for a Venti Starbucks. Also included is a pug dog; platic bags for picking up said dog’s poop is, of course, optional (really, who has the time for that?).
-Devin
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January 29th, 2007 |
Another accessory for Uptown Hoboken Barbie: the unwarranted sense of entitlement–though I’m not entirely sure how to create that out of molded plastic.
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January 29th, 2007 |
In response to nihil72 who said:
I’d say that’d be a plastic blinking “Don’t Walk” traffic sign accessory. Or maybe even a portable red felt mini carpet she carries around in her yoga canister.
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January 29th, 2007 |
“I’d say that’d be a plastic blinking “Don’t Walk” traffic sign accessory. Or maybe even a portable red felt mini carpet she carries around in her yoga canister.”
…or a Blackberry or a the key to the condo at 11th and Hudson…hey, this is easier than I thought!
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