George Carlin: R.I.P.
23
June
6/23/2008:
Just wanted to take a moment to say goodbye to one of my favorite “tell it like it is” comedians, George Carlin, who passed away this weekend.
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June 23rd 2008 - 13:32:47 |
We need more people in the world like George Carlin. A straight shooter with no patience for the blatant b.s. in society. He will be sorely missed and always remembered.
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June 23rd 2008 - 13:42:52 |
Very sad
He will be missed. He would have been awesome on Hoboken’s city council Don’t you agree? I can invision it….BS YOU LIAR….RIP GEORGE
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June 23rd 2008 - 13:45:12 |
I had the pleasure of meeting the man once about 20 years ago. He was warm and funny. No attitude or pretense. What you saw was what you got. A genuine comic genius with a unique insight into the human condition.
Now excuse me because I need to go find a place for my stuff in his memory.
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June 23rd 2008 - 13:58:41 |
i loved him: RIP
GEORGE CARLIN’S NEW RULES FOR 2008
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff ‘you’ want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s the white people version of looting.
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com ! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days — mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: ‘Lucky bastards.’
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we’re done.
New Rule:There’s no such thing as flavored water. There’s a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a ‘decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low, and One NutraSweet,’ ooooh, you’re a huge asshole.
New Rule: I’m not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN! number , pressing ‘Enter,’ verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want Cash back, and pressing ‘Enter’ again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you Spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to ‘beef with broccoli.’ The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn’t a sport. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What’s next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they’re already doing that. It’s called ‘The Howard Stern Show.’
New Rule: I don’t need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I’m extra hungry for M&Ms, I’ll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to hear ‘27 months.’ ‘He’s two’ will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God’s sake don’t pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, ‘Do you want fries with that?’
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June 23rd 2008 - 14:11:40 |
R.I.P. George you will be missed and remembered.
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June 23rd 2008 - 14:17:21 |
George Carlin on CHILDREN.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niQ73ZlDxuI
Please take notes.
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June 23rd 2008 - 14:47:49 |
I love this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3M5Xm5RYTRY&NR=1
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June 23rd 2008 - 14:59:27 |
In honor of George Carlin, I am wearing a T-shirt one of my best friend purchased for me at one of his shows. It’s black, the front has a huge picture of an angry, scowling Carlin face, and the back says, “Simon Says: Go Fuck Yourself.”
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June 23rd 2008 - 16:08:14 |
He did some funny stuff. But that was a long time ago. Then he became the old angry dude that you try to avoid in a bar.
Sad the way he was in the end. Tried to watch him on HBO recently and it was unwatchable.
He’s now retired to a gold course in the sky complaining that it hasn’t been improved to something good like Section 8 housing.
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June 23rd 2008 - 16:23:55 |
yellowsubmarine wrote:
Some of those are amusing but this is not the work of George Carlin. There’s a lot of stuff that’s made the rounds on the internet purporting to be his stuff, and this is one of those that is not.
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June 23rd 2008 - 16:57:32 |
Roman wrote:
IMHO, you couldn’t be more wrong. I found the latter part of his career to be his most insightful after a middle period which was very drug addled by his own admission. Aside from the 2nd to last HBO special, I thought he was brilliant if a little dark.
And if I had ever run into George in a bar I would not have avoided him. Au contraire, I would have went over and introduced myself and bought him a drink or two if he would have let me.
I am deeply saddened by his death as if I lost a friend. I’m gonna miss that guy.
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June 23rd 2008 - 17:28:57 |
George Carlin, Esq.
An attorney of dark comedy making his closing comment to a jury of imbeciles who never understood a thing he said but laughed anyway.
Dumb Person #1: “George Carlin just died.”
Dumb Person #2: “I just saw him yesterday.”
Dumb Person #1: “Did it help?”
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June 23rd 2008 - 17:29:55 |
This is one of my favorites:
GEORGE CARLIN ON THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
from Complaints and Grievances (HBO special)
Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?
You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here’s what happened:
About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.
Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I’ll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it’s a decade, it’s a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It’s a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that’s a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.
Let’s start with the first three:
I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN
THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH
Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord’s name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we’re down to 7. Next:
HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER
Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn’t be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent’s performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don’t, period. You’re down to six.
Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we’re going to jump around the list a little bit.
THOU SHALT NOT STEAL
THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS
Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don’t really need two you combine them and call the commandment “thou shalt not be dishonest”. And suddenly you’re down to 5.
And as long as we’re combining I have two others that belong together:
THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR’S WIFE
Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don’t think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else’s wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he’s waxing his carrot? But, marital infidelity is a good idea so we’re gonna keep this one and call it “thou shalt not be unfaithful”. And suddenly we’re down to four.
But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing “thou shalt always be honest and faithful” and we’re down to 3.
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR’S GOODS
This one is just plain fuckin’ stupid. Coveting your neighbor’s goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays ‘o come o ye faithful’, and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you’re down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven’t talked about yet:
THOU SHALT NOT KILL
Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who’s doin the killin’ and who’s gettin’ killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:
Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.
and
Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.
Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin’ pocket. I wouldn’t mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:
Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
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June 24th 2008 - 00:51:56 |
One of the funniest, straight-forward men I have ever seen, he will truly be missed. R.I.P. he certainly brought me out of many slumps.
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June 25th 2008 - 14:53:22 |
HBO2 is showing 6 hours of Carlin’s HBO specials tonight (Wednesday) and another 6 hrs Thursday night. HBO is also re-running specials Friday night and there’s a 12-hr marathon on Saturday. (HBO Comedy, I think.)
Love the “Children” and “Fat People” links above. George was that rare artist who actually got better, smarter, sharper as he got older. His latest concerts were among his best ever.
ps: “New Rules”, posted above, is Bill Maher, not Carlin.
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