Stupid bike idea!
Hoboken peddles stupid bike idea to businesses
Notice how the “tide is changing” with these moronic “social” bike sharing programs? Now the city is peddling a very stupid bike idea to local businesses.
SHELL OUT $100,000 or MORE to have the lucky “privilege” of getting your business name on like one square foot of bicycle. ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!
Businesses are already having a tough time with bone-headed parking rules that are chasing customers away, now the city wants these businesses to open their checkbooks again? Fugghedaboutit!
Bike Share Sponsorship “Opportunity” in Hoboken
Here’s the message that Don “Diary” Dimmer sent in desperation to local businesses today.
(Pay attention, because I’m showing you was was stricken from the original memo as well):
Dear Hoboken Business:
desperately writing to offer your business an bullshit scam that will fill city coffers opportunity to be one of our suckers founding sponsors for Hoboken’s socialist next-generation bike share system, which will provide a stupid unique and waste of money cost-effective way to reach both Hoboken residents and the many thousands of visitors to our City. In addition to providing another convenient way to get hit by a car around Hoboken, your sponsorship will help to provide re-distribution of wealth free memberships to our low-income residents and provide jobs for our sober qualified homeless residents through a partnership with Jacklyn Cherubini and the Hoboken Shelter.
The program will begin with 225 bikes
too many in Hoboken, which we expect will quickly expand to more bikes, with stations located throughout every part of the city and within a 3 minute walk of nearly every resident just like that retarded corner car program that was supposed to remove 7,000 cars from the streets of Hoboken.
sucker sponsorship opportunity includes the following:
- Your company’s logo on 50 bikes.
Which will fade like the headlining acts at each of our festivals.
- Your company’s logo listed as a
suckersponsor at the PATH and 14th Street ferry bike share stations, providing the opportunity to reach thousands of commuters every day. Who aren’t paying attention because they’re on their phones.
- Participation in our launch press event, launch ride event, and outreach events throughout the year.
Obligations that you don’t want, which will net you zero new business.
- Involvement in our Founding
SuckersSponsors bike share tables throughout the summer and fall cultural events, which includes very popular city events like Movies Under the Stars. Where you’ll be mocked for parting with your money. SuckersSponsors will be included in the extensive communications both for the launch and the ongoing story of bike share participants throughout the year. The City plans two city-wide newsletters focused on bike share and transportation. 411 costs a fraction of that for 10x the exposure – but who likes succeeding anymore?
- Discounts on 100 bike share memberships
spam mail lists toothat you can offer to your employees or customers.
When compared to other local advertising alternatives, there really is no comparison
Yeah, this is the DUMBEST thing you can do! This opportunity provides by far the most LEAST visibility and best positive community messaging for an extremely RIDICULOUS reasonable cost . Each bicycle will be a permanent, visible advertisement for your company seen by thousands of people every day for about the cost of one 1/2 page local newspaper advertisement (newspapers are the single worst way to advertise, that is true). But this opportunity is not limited to your name on bicycles. As you can see, founding sponsorship provides an extensive list of additional extremely valuable benefits to taint your image with “DIARY DON.”
We are quickly finalizing our founding
suckers sponsors, and sponsorship opportunities will be limited to one per industry sector on a first-come, first-served basis, so if you are interested please let us know by emailing Juan Melli at firstname.lastname@example.org as soon as possible.
Founding sponsorship includes a minimum two-year commitment of $50,000 per year (or more with additional bikes) with the opportunity to extend for three more years at the same rate.
Holy crap we are really ROBBING businesses up the ass!
Please feel free to share this with any other business you think may be interested in the opportunity
if you want to get punched in the stomach.
City of Hoboken