Outsourced parenting

Sign of the times: Outsourced parenting everywhere

Outsourced parenting to have kids or notKind of breaks my heart every time I witness scenes like this in Hoboken (and pretty much everywhere else). Little kids being carted around like cattle. Or schlepped from place to place practically “chained” to a rope (not literally, but authoritatively). Just such a shame that outsourced parenting is considered “acceptable” these days.

Yes, I know – some families can manage to have a one-income setup with a “full time parent” at home. But it truly sucks that it’s the exception rather than the norm.

But what is it exactly that has caused this necessity to have dual income streams in order to raise a child?

Is it the location you choose to live in? (high cost of living)
The standards you insist upon? (expensive cars, property, “stuff”)

Has all of this been by design? Faltering economy? Debased currency? Inflation? Cost of education?

Regardless of the reasons why – do you think it’s right for a child to be raised in such a manner? Or should parents find a way (including moving to an alternate place) where they can afford living on one income?

Or is a better question – should couples even have children if they know (in advance) that someone else will essentially be raising their kid more than half the time?

Outsourced parenting in Hoboken NJ

10 Responses

  1. bethv says:

    This is perhaps the most closed minded documented opinion on childcare I’ve read in the past five years. Why assume that all parents work because a second income is “needed” and that one parent would choose to stay home if this were not the case (but, of course, you meant the mother OR the father, right?). Can two individuals not want (and excel) at being parents and managing a professional career that, like parenting, is also fulfilling?

    I am a full time parent with a full time job but let me be very clear here – help is not outsourcing.

  2. Joefeds says:

    I estimate a family has to make $140k to live up here and maintain middle-class standards. If you make less then that, you have to sacrifice on quality of neighborhood, education, ego… If you can get far away from the city you can do it for $70k.

    When you think of it, the cost of a luxury item like a BMW lease ($400/ month) is very insignificant when compared to the cost of life’s necessities like food, rent, healthcare, parking boot removals, etc.

    Childcare up here is like $2,000 a month, but its worth it to the Hoboken mommies that have to keep their careers on track before moving out to a train town.

  3. scarieri says:

    Hi,
    I’m a working mother of a 19 month old little girl who attends a daycare in Hoboken. I have always been a reader of your site and have come to learn that you really give the parents in Hoboken a hard time. I do not think you have spent anytime speaking to them or getting to understand what its like to be a full time working parent. My husband and I both have to work. It does not make me any less of a mother because of this. My little girl is happy and well adjusted. She loves going to daycare everyday and playing with her friends. Going back to work was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I know for our family it was the best thing to do. There are plenty of stay at home moms that put their kids in front of a tv all day and hardly interact with them. Does the simple fact that they are home make them a better parent?
    I race home every night to squeeze every last second of with our daughter and cherish every weekend and day off I have. Yes, we eat out in restaurants and I push my stroller on the sidewalk. You need to realize that if it wasn’t for the parents in Hoboken most businesses wouldn’t survive in our town. Its the moms that shop and eat during the days and its the parents that pack the restaurants at 5pm before the “kids” go out at 8.
    I am not trying to argue with you but rather ask that you try to see the story from both sides. How dare you pose a question like should couples even have children if they know (in advance) that someone else will essentially be raising their kid more than half the time?
    My husband and I are raising my daughter and part of our parenting was choosing the proper care for her while we work during the day. Yes Hoboken is expensive but if every one left the minute they had a kid, you wouldn’t have a town. We love living here and having our young child experience Hoboken for all it has to offer.
    I hope you try in the future to report on the family matters from both sides. I’m happy to chat at anytime if you would like to hear from a mom.

    • animal_lover says:

      sacrieri, some of your comments lead me to believe you are a bit rushed are tired:
      “if everyone left the minute they had a kid, you wouldn’t have a town” You need to get to know some of the multigenerational families in Hoboken.
      “How dare you pose a question like…”. Many people do think of how they plan to raise their children as a family along with the financial and quality of life issues that go along. Also knowing alot of moms that put their kids in front of a TV all day seems to be a defense mechanism.

      [quote comment=”223423″]Hi, I’m a working mother of a 19 month old little girl who attends a daycare in Hoboken. I have always been a reader of your site and have come to learn that you really give the parents in Hoboken a hard time. I do not think you have spent anytime speaking to them or getting to understand what its like to be a full time working parent. My husband and I both have to work. It does not make me any less of a mother because of this. My little girl is happy and well adjusted. She loves going to daycare everyday and playing with her friends. Going back to work was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I know for our family it was the best thing to do. There are plenty of stay at home moms that put their kids in front of a tv all day and hardly interact with them. Does the simple fact that they are home make them a better parent? I race home every night to squeeze every last second of with our daughter and cherish every weekend and day off I have. Yes, we eat out in restaurants and I push my stroller on the sidewalk. You need to realize that if it wasn’t for the parents in Hoboken most businesses wouldn’t survive in our town. Its the moms that shop and eat during the days and its the parents that pack the restaurants at 5pm before the “kids” go out at 8. I am not trying to argue with you but rather ask that you try to see the story from both sides. How dare you pose a question like should couples even have children if they know (in advance) that someone else will essentially be raising their kid more than half the time? My husband and I are raising my daughter and part of our parenting was choosing the proper care for her while we work during the day. Yes Hoboken is expensive but if every one left the minute they had a kid, you wouldn’t have a town. We love living here and having our young child experience Hoboken for all it has to offer. I hope you try in the future to report on the family matters from both sides. I’m happy to chat at anytime if you would like to hear from a mom.[/quote]

  4. showme789 says:

    I don’t like to judge, but I think the trend toward dumping your infant at a day care or other place has to do with the need to have more and more “stuff”. Sometimes I get the impression that kids are just another form of “stuff” for many parents. I am a mother and I had to sacrifice a lot to stay home with my kids. But in the long run, the stuff I didn’t have paled in comparison to the wonderful experiences I have every day watching my babies grow.
    One of the reasons why things are so costly in the area are because people are willing to sacrifice their kids in order to work full time. If people refuse to pay the ridiculous prices around here, costs would be forced down.

  5. animal_lover says:

    Your point of wanting to have more kid time ,I am sure is part of the reason we see kids in bar/restaurants at such late hours. I think this is a trend aided by advanced age assisted reproduction and belief that there is such a thing as “having it all”. My mother was educated and had kids at the average age then had a full 25+ year professional career after her children were grown.

    • xxrjxx says:

      Or it could simply be that some of us didn’t have the opportunity/didn’t find the right one/and couldn’t have children until we were older. We were dealt a hand of cards in this life that we had to play-thus I am now 46 yo with a 2 and a 5 yo. I wished I could have been younger–can’t always git watchuwant.[quote comment=”223413″]Your point of wanting to have more kid time ,I am sure is part of the reason we see kids in bar/restaurants at such late hours. I think this is a trend aided by advanced age assisted reproduction and belief that there is such a thing as “having it all”. My mother was educated and had kids at the average age then had a full 25+ year professional career after her children were grown.[/quote]

      • Sphynx says:

        Xxtjxx,

        That is the truth. Took me and my spouse time to find each other. We were married under two years, were pregnant before our first anniversary. If we couldn’t do it without IVF the plan was to adopt an American child or take in a foster child. That is still the plan if we want more kids. We had healthy child even with a high risk pregnancy. With age the risked have just increased, why risk my life when their are children in need.[quote comment=”223436″]Or it could simply be that some of us didn’t have the opportunity/didn’t find the right one/and couldn’t have children until we were older. We were dealt a hand of cards in this life that we had to play-thus I am now 46 yo with a 2 and a 5 yo. I wished I could have been younger–can’t always git watchuwant.[/quote]

      • animal_lover says:

        But one can make good decisions based on the circumstances and that are in the best interest of a child also. It is not wrong to parent at advanced ages but young people need to understand what the window of fertility opportunity is and the risks that are taken in more advanced age parenting. I am w Sphynx on considering a child that needs a home if the circumstances fit. It pains me to see young children having to take care of parents with age related diseases. This sort of thing is much less common with pregnancy under 35. I also do belief that mother nature had some intent that children have grandparents.[quote comment=”223445″]Xxtjxx,That is the truth. Took me and my spouse time to find each other. We were married under two years, were pregnant before our first anniversary. If we couldn’t do it without IVF the plan was to adopt an American child or take in a foster child. That is still the plan if we want more kids. We had healthy child even with a high risk pregnancy. With age the risked have just increased, why risk my life when their are children in need.[/quote]

  6. YouStayCl@ssyHoboken says:

    History rhymes, it takes a village, see past few hundred years’ history.

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